| Im at coffee bean.. and I over hear a conversation where a friend is sharing to his other friends that he wears his heart on his sleeve. When he is upset, everyone knows. When he is happy, its obvious. THIS IS ME.
The conversation would later talk about being in a small group, and I was very encouraged to find out that they are fellow Christians. And sharing the struggles and burdens that go along with life.
I think for me I think way too much. I over analyze too much. The way I try to stop thinking about things or feeling a certain way, I retreat. Because to me it is better than bottling up emotions or becoming frustrated that I continue to think this way.
I am very thankful for the messages that I've been hearing lately. Focusing on the gospel, living drastically for Christ, and not looking to the things of the world for comfort. BUT. I have such a hard time doing this with my life. O how I want to. O how I want to be content in all things finding my happiness and joy in knowing and loving God. My humanistic ways and thoughts prevent my life from being completely transformed.
SO DISCOURAGING at times. BUT. As was mentioned today, as we get closer to the cross the more sins are revealed in our heart/life. I can't dwell on it. I need to trust in His mercy and grace in my life. That I am a child of God and that He has already paid the price for my sins. I ask myself, if times were really rough would I love God even more?
TOUGH STUFF. As I reflect on my walk with God. I'm amazed at how God orchestrated events in my life that gave me the opportunity to meet Him. In 5th grade, my good friend Sean had a summer home in Tahoe. That is where I first learned the song "Lord I Lift Your Name on High". I had no idea who God was but I still remembered that song and I saw a small glimpse at what a Christian family was. I also went to two bible studies, where I played games and went to their church. How God used my middle school friend to bring me out to church and I saw what it meant to have brothers and sisters that cared enough to pray for one another. To think that God could have hardened my heart in these situations, makes me so thankful for the Love that I know He has for me. It brings me to tears to think of how much I still rebel today. But again, it makes the gospel that much sweeter.
Ahh. My heart is really heavy but I am glad to be in the community I am today. Even though I don't really know know many people. The Word is being preached, my heart is being tugged/challenged, and I am learning more and more what it means to live a life that is focused on seeing GOD'S glory magnified.
Psalm 73: 25-26.
MEDITATE. |
| |
| So it seems to be a tradition that my body becomes susceptible to all the germs in the world (semi dramatic) during break. I got sick one night in New York and then I am now currently in bed waiting for this stomach flu bug to go away. It came out of no where... I went to the mall in the early hours of the morning to return something and I came back with the biggest upset stomach. Since then it has been non stop trips to the bathroom. It has been a no fun day... not at all.
I guess it has allowed me to slow down, but at the same time I feel so helpless and I keep waking up from my sleep with stomach pains. Im hoping for a full recovery by tomorrow (wishful thinking).
since i haven't been able to eat or hold anything down, i feel like my body is withering away. haha. i guess it helps you lose weight, but man its pretty painful.
Im thinking of going down to SD on the 2nd to work at SBS and make some cash. Being home has placed a hole in my wallet; luckily we live in a plastic world but still I have to be able to pay it back.
Home has been tough spiritually. It's really hard to stay disciplined when you are out of the Christian environment. With a non believing family and friends, its tough to always be the example/light in their life. But, then again, it is a blessing to be able to be apart of their lives and share your thoughts/perspectives. Although it's a stuggle, I know God put me in this family and gave me those friends for a reason. I just need to seize the opportunities God has provided.
o man, i better get some rest. good night and God bless.
|
| |
| I think it is really hard to admit that we are easily influenced.... whether it be by people, media, music, etc.
That dang pride.
I think I need to cut some stuff off.....
when to start?
|
| |
| Sometimes there are those moments where you need to sit and not speak.. and take it all in. |
| |
| i have seen this method of picking up/driving to work for some... so maybe i shall give it a try? i decided to go visit home... however.... i was wondering... does anyone want to umm take me to the airport on Friday August 31st at say 1:30pm? my flight is at 3pm. And does anyone want to pick me up Monday September 3rd at 11pm... haha i know so late.. =/. if anyone would. I would be very thankful and treat you to yogurt world or dinner or whatevers!!!!! |
| |
